We interviewed Tori Allen-Martin about her award nominated play Who I Could’ve Been. Book your tickets here, and don’t miss out!
Describe Who I Could’ve Been in three words.
Cathartic, Raw, Life-affirming.
What inspired you to write the play?
In truth, bad relationships. Wondering if trying to be a version of myself had ultimately caused me more pain. If we just took accountability for everything that we felt and took things as they are, rather than try to control them. I started thinking about how past relationships have shaped us, and how we become different versions of ourselves for and because of other people.
The play is about three relationships, how they break apart and what is left behind. What did you draw on for this?
My truth, the truth of those around me. What I considered the most in this play was how it’s easy to judge until you’ve been in the situation. We like to judge a whole person based on one thing that they do or did. I think so often the most beautiful thing about us also leads to our biggest flaw or vice versa. There’s beauty in the breakdown, and I’ve realised sometimes breaking down is what opens us up and allows us to be whole.
You have described the show as being about “fleeting moments that changed everything” – has there been a moment in your own life that changed everything?
The person I fell in love with, who I believe I’ll spend the rest of my life with, is somebody I never should’ve been with on paper. My own belief system told me it was wrong, I knew his ex and cared deeply for her, but I was looking at this man who had changed my perspective, my perception of everything. I’d spent my life putting other people first or doing right by my friends ahead of myself, and I knew for the first time in my life that I had to do the hardest thing. So I did, and I even lost friends because of it. They judged me on the version of me that fell in love with a friend’s ex. But because of all of that, I’ve gone head first into trying to understand why we do what we do, and that life is a series of events and we hurt each other. We don’t mean to, but we do. And actually, honestly, is that so bad? Now I realise that there’s so much more to it, that love isn’t complicated, people are. I guess a fleeting moment that changed everything for me was learning that a person’s actions don’t always have the same meaning you’ve attached to it due to your own history.
What do you want the audience to talk about in the bar afterwards?
Their exes! The people they’re currently dating. Maybe the mate that they judged or fell out with. Maybe they’ll see situations they’ve been in but because they’re not sat in it, feeling all the feelings. They’ll be able to look at it more objectively and not attach the other meanings – they’ll just see it for what it is.
You are also an actor – how does it feel to be on the “off stage” side of the process?
I enjoy the ‘off stage’ side of the process just as much as the onstage. I had feelings about these characters on paper that have evaporated now that this glorious cast have made them real. There is nothing more exciting than seeing an actor take a part and run with it and find all of these things you never even imagined or realised – it’s one of the best feelings.
Any advice for emerging playwrights?
Write! And write! And write some more! And don’t be afraid of cutting – it doesn’t need to go in the bin, you can recycle it somewhere else, in another play. Write about the things that move you, terrify you. Just keep going, silence the doubt, and tell the truth – the things you’re afraid of will probably make you the most beautiful, so let us see it.
‘Who I Could’ve Been’ runs 4th June – 8th June!